My partner helped me figure out how to fix the blender situation.
If you know someone who does have blender in MochiFitter installed: Have them pack up the folder, "BlenderTools" in their project folder into a zip and send it to you. Unpack the "BlenderTools" file into your own project folder. Open Unity, check out MochiFitter, and it should say blender is installed.
Just make sure to have a backup of the BlenderTools just in case something decides to go brr.